Happy New Year - The Year That Wasn't

I lost a day somewhere this week It makes little difference, considering the year that's in it. Baby James had a 3 day fever from Stephen's Day, that might have something to do with the blurring of time and space. 2021, eh. What is there to say, honestly. 2020 feels like the year that wasn't. We ended 2019 on such a high - got married, packed up and sold our house, moved country. New opportunities, new beginnings. 'Making a better life' we called it.

So happy, so full of promise and hope, so naive. 

The year was begun with much anticipation. Ringing in the new year with my closest friends, flying on New Years Day, waiting for social security numbers, hospital scans, kindergarten spaces, unpacking our shipped boxes. I would try to get a job before the baby came. I might find the time to write a paper. Alas, dear reader, it was not to be. We did manage a lovely 3rd birthday for Anna in Meath in March, and that was the end of the road for us.

I don't want to be self-indulgent, many people have experienced losses this year. But it would be disingenuous to say that the only losses that 'matter' are the ending of lives. I can appreciate greatly how loss and death and grieving affect individuals and families. But there are other losses too, and we have a right to mourn them. 

The loss of first meetings of newborns, and maybe more profoundly, of last meetings with loved ones at the end of their life, in spaces of restful dignity. Of new friendships blossoming, visiting old friends, big weddings with lots of dancing, going to pubs and cinemas and galleries, of travelling to sunny destinations for a bit of a break, hugs, job opportunities, any opportunities, time to write and think and reflect. It's been a hard old year, hasn't it. 

But I suppose you have to look on the bright side. I learned some profound lessons about myself, I'm sure we all did. And there's a lot about life and all the messy things in it I'll never take for granted again.

Happy New Year, here's to something better than what came before.

Amy xo

Starting 2020 with so much hope