A wee update

It's been a while since I've written here. The truth is, I've been busy. Very busy. We're in the midst of planning for one major life-altering event, and several smaller life-altering events.

First, I am expecting a baba. This first-time, mind blowing event took over my entire being for about four and a half months, and it's only in the last week or so that I've begun to feel like an independent entity again. Aside from the emotional preparation and shift in thinking that had to take place, physically it took a huge toll on me. Round the clock nausea in the first 12 weeks were later replaced by gastro-intestinal issues I don't need to go into here. I was so tired for the first few months I was worried I'd never manage to do anything PhD related again. But I'm slowly and determinedly getting back to my old self, or as much of that old self as I can get back. Accepting changes, adapting and embracing all the new, wonderful things happening to me has been an incredible process. 

Secondly, I'm moving back to Ireland. Well, I'm in Ireland right now, but I'm renting out my room  in Durham soon and moving back officially at the end of October. Doubling up on hospital appointments and ante-natal care, and flying back and forth for me and Leo is no longer practical. I want us to enjoy this experience together, in one place, our home, so that means I'll be working from my desk in UCD from now on. It also means finding a new home for the three of us, good things in the works in that respect. 

We're getting into the throes of autumn now, and I'm enjoying the cooler temperatures (I sweat a LOT in Summer) and abundance of produce. Long walks in Durham led to blackberry eating, and apples and plums have been made into crumbles and stewed with yoghurt. 

Now that I have an appetite again, I am vigorously spending as much time cooking, savouring those hours spent in the kitchen. And of course, eating a varied and healthy died is much better for me and the baba than spaghetti hoops and tinned rice pudding (don't judge me til you've been there, folks). In Durham I've been enjoying a lot of smoothies, and porridge is making a comeback. I'm also embracing pizza making, with Leo teaching me the ways of yeast, which I've never used before.

I'm cycling as much as humanly possible, my preferred mode of transport and exercise. Leo got me this gorgeous bike which is sturdy and fast, and I am looking forward to the many thousands of kilometers I will travel on it. I intend to cycle for as long in the pregnancy as is physically possible (heavily pregnant Danish cyclists are my inspiration here) and will start back with baby in tow as soon as is safe.

 Life is very good, have a good autumn!

Durham Miner's Gala

This year I got a chance to attend the Miner's Gala in Durham (I missed it last year), and I walked with the City of Durham Labour party banner. To see so many people with similar values all coming together in one place was really special. After the gala, there was a session at the Elm Tree with loads of lovely Geordies playing Irish music. It felt like home.

To support the gala and find out more information: http://www.durhamminers.org/gala 

On the Go

I move around a lot. A few days a week, in Durham, where I have my 'own' place (and I love it), with all my bedding, most of my clothes, my own herbs and spices in the cupboard, and a stock pile of apple cider vinegar (not joking).

It used to bother me a lot, moving around so much. The day before I'd get a 'here we go again' sinking feeling and I wouldn't be able to live in the moment and just enjoy the experience of being where I was. Not looking to the past or anticipating an imagined future has been a really hard skill to develop, but I'm sort-of getting there.

Mostly it's just learned behaviour. What we repeatedly do, we become. Every five or six days, I take a plane and arrive in my new home, either at midday or at midnight. I spend a few days there, embrace whatever's going on there, then head off again. No mess, no fuss. To be honest, it took a few years to get comfortable with moving around so much. But I got there in the end.

The things I have learned so far:

Have less things

Having way less stuff means less stuff to lug around with you, less stuff to keep organised, less stuff to clutter your line of vision and make you miserable, less stuff to maintain (servicing the 'stuff' is a big part of many peoples' lives, they just don't know it)

Learn what works for you

What will make your travel and hometime your most efficient self? Learn through trial and error, and do that. I've got the timings of my train and plane down, a backpack for laptop and shoulder bag for clothes, and two simultaneous sets of cards, keys and life-admin things carefully managed so it's all where I need it when I need it. No sweat.

Don't have a lot of different types of clothes

I know 'capsule wardrobes' are a huge thing right now, and that's cool. But the logic of having less clothes, and having clothes that go with all your other clothes, is just sound logic. I think people can become a bit of a slave to the capsule wardrobe-anticipating the changeover, documenting it etc. The idea for me is to have a setup where I can think as little as possible about the clothes I will wear but know they are all adequate. 

Learn to take comfort in the simple things

You know what's beautiful? A fresh bunch of flowers, or a houseplant that requires minimal water (heathers are indestructible), a nice smell of essential oils and a cup of tea. I painted my walls white and just walking into my bright room makes me smile. Those are the things that keep you feeling ok.

Make the most of wherever you are

When I'm in Durham, there's not a lot to do I'm interested in, but there's a great folk music community, so I go to a lot of sessions. Not only am I learning loads of new tunes, but I'm meeting great people. I went to a session in someone's house last week and it was amazing-good tunes, great snacks, and a glass of Scotch to finish! Wherever you are, embrace it. Don't think of what might be or what you're missing somewhere else.

Pictures of things

My windowsill, with the Christmas plant that will not die, and Dublin, when we went for a long walk on the beach yesterday.

In between places

I'm getting into a rhythm of sorts. Monday morning, Halo taxi at 08:00, to the airport. Back in Durham by lunchtime. Unpack, do some work. Buy milk. Take a nap. Some sort of reverse culture shock because even though they're so close, they're so different. 

Living in between two places feels weird. Leo's life in Dublin is really starting to take form, and our house is so cosy there. But I really love my place in Durham too, and my life there is uncomplicated. I know what's expected of me. Given the choice I'd obviously rather be in Dublin, for now there is no alternative. So I travel back and forth, a fortnight here, a weekend there, whenever I can for as long as I can. 

I'm a very impatient person, but I'm trying my best.

 

Some things are eternally comforting. Like coming home to your own bathroom cabinet. Post on the table waiting. Doing laundry. Stocking the fridge with foods of your own choosing. The things we do to make the absences feel a little less.

Lately

Life, as always, is busy. Fieldwork and teaching obligations are going very well. I'm coming to the end of my tutoring for the year, and am unsure if I'll keep it up next year (as it's very time consuming). I'll be sad when I finish up with my fieldwork as I've met so many wonderful people, but at the same time, I am keenly aware of how much data will need to be analysed by May (when it will be 12 months since I began).

I am going back and forth to Ireland more and more these days, as Leo is there working and we find that life is nicer when we see each other a lot. So I've been going over some weekends, and he comes here some weekends, and it's generally lovely. 

On Saturday we got up really early and did a tidy out of the bits and pieces of life, then we met my aunt and uncle at Avoca and went to a garden centre where we got lots and lots of plants. I also voted in our General Election, and we spent the entire weekend with the radio on listening to the results.

It is so nice to be home. To feel a part of where you are. To feel like you have something in common with the people around you. They are more like you than anyone else in the world. 

In other news: I go to the gym a lot more and lift weights, and I finally got some whistles that don't just play D and G Major (although the low whistle does).

Being busy and being honest with yourself

I am a busy person. Sometimes I am 'busy', i.e. making extra work for myself, having two links in the chain when one will do, that sort of thing. But there's no denying that, objectively, I am busy. A PhD, a huge part of which means spending two hours of buses two to three days a week, is always going to take a lot of time. The bus journeys destroy me because they are a) time consuming b) make me feel incredibly travel sick, ruining my chances for acting like a wholly normal person on those days c) wasted time (you can't write, use a laptop, do useful things on the bus).

I am trying to be less busy. I resigned from the admin job I had for my supervisor. I appreciated the extra income, but the stress of being the recipient of endless numbers of emails was too much for me. I am trying to prioritise. But this is difficult. I signed up to do a fair bit of teaching, and that simply doesn't stop. The dates are in the diary, the times are fixed, the bus journeys obligatory. I guess, next year I might take a break from teaching.

I also play in a ceilidh band. This is immensely fun, and I love the banter, the actual playing, and everything that goes along with it. However, through this I got roped into being the President of the society the band is a part of. Again, endless emails, organising room bookings and so on and so on. So I resigned, because the list was endless. The band also play late at night, and I often don't get home until well after midnight, buzzing with adrenaline. You can see why this is a problem.

I am a PhD student, and yet my diary is full, all of the time, with things and things and more things. Emails come hard and fast. I delete 70% of them, but those 30% require a response, no matter how short. I suppose it comes with the territory, but being the in-between of student and staff is difficult, because you are surrounded by people who's time is fluid, spills over into weekends and evenings, and for whom 'having so much work to do' is somehow an accepted norm. 

I want to have several days a week with nothing in my diary. That's the goal. To switch off the emails, have a list of tasks to work through, read whole books, write the dissertation that needs to be written, On top of that, Leo lives in Ireland now, so that means flying back and forth to see him, spending hours on the phone every week talking and keeping the dream alive. I love it, but it is sometimes very hard work.

So, I'm almost forgetting why I wrote this, because really it's just reminding me how much I have still to do and further stressing me out. But, I suppose, the reason I wrote this was to remind myself that, yes, I have a lot of stuff that clogs up my head, makes me feel overwhelmed, busy, tired and stressed. The end goal is to write a PhD, and move back to Ireland. That's it. Do the PhD, finish in good time, enjoy it, learn a lot, and then progress to a worthwhile and productive job (hopefully!), in the country I come from (finally!), with my favourite guy (yay!). 

I'm just going to leave this here, and come back to it when I'm feeling overwhelmed, and remind myself of what the task at hand really is. It's not to make lots of new friends and integrate super well into the University life here (although friends are nice and I amn't a hermit), and it's not to run student societies (I'm not really a student, and I'm 27 anyway), and it's certainly not to get bogged down in teaching, admin, non-essential tasks etc. It's to research for and write a PhD dissertation. 

And, I guess, to go on as many holidays and breaks as I can fit in (sunshine!), and to take care of my health and wellbeing (which 100% includes drinking lots of tea in my cosy room watching Pretty Little Liars with the jar of fairy lights on the table next to me. Obv). 

Here's to 2015

Since it's after midnight already it's technically New Years Eve, which means that a reflective end-of-year post is quite appropriate. Hopefully tomorrow night will be a little nicer than it is right now, the rain is pelting down and we were hoping to get some champagne and celebrate somewhere in town.

This year, quite frankly, has been one of the most straight-forward and enjoyable years of my life. It started off on a pleasant note, dinner and fireworks along the riverside in Copenhagen, a plane to Iceland late at night on the 1st, the Aurora and seeing the volcano from the plane. 

The year has more or less been incredibly straight forward. My work has gone better than I could ever have hoped for, I am making huge progress with my writing and managed to speak at a number of conferences and seminars. I have just sent off my first journal article for review and have conducted a lot of fieldwork.

The other parts of my life, too, are falling into place. Leo has moved to Dublin and is creating a home for us there, he has a good job and I hope to spend more time there. There are cheap flights from Newcastle to be had and many weekend and longer trips to enjoy in the coming weeks. Overall, everything is good.

As I look back on 2015, I can't help but feel incredibly warm and happy. Everything has fallen into place just like it should. Looking to next year, I have many goals and hopes, but generally, nothing groundbreaking. I don't want to turn my world upside down, or radically re-invent some part of myself. I just want to continue being me, being comfortable, embracing the hygge, learning more things, and being better. 

Here's to 2015, and to 2016, and to no bad days :)

This picture: many cups of tea and a stack of books, represents my life over this Christmas period

An unexpected snow day in Durham

One day, shortly before Christmas, Durham found itself covered in a blanket of snow. It came billowing down all morning and afternoon, transforming the town into a Dickensian novel. I found it heart-lightening to don warm boots and a raincoat and walk through the town taking snaps. There's nothing quite as nice as sitting in your bedroom with a cup of tea warming your hands, watching thick, powdery puffs of snow come falling down.

By evening it had been washed away by rain, as if it had never existed. 

Under the weather

It's been raining non stop for days. That is no exaggeration. Since I've been spending so much time traipsing around Dublin with a backpack, sitting on buses and getting rained on, it was inevitable that I would develop a cold. When Leo and I lived in London a couple of years ago, we shared a flat with an old Pakistani lady named Jamal. Among other things, she taught me a great trick: when you have a cold, a spoonful of honey with turmeric mixed into it is better than any pharmace-purchased cough medicine. 

So I took one of those, drinking lots of tea with honey, and hot water with lemon and honey. I have no doubt that I'll be cured in no time :)

New beginnings (again, and again)

The last few weeks have been hectic. Aside from the fact that I've been in Ireland spending time with my family, I have moved to a house in Durham town centre, There have been countless trips back and forth to the college I was living at, as few taxi journeys as possible, room painting, sorting through things and, mostly exciting of all, negotiating with Leo what he has to bring, as I am so so happy to say that he is moving to Durham in less than a month to do some further study. 

I am absolutely walking on air, this is the happiest and most content I have been in such a long time. It makes all the nesting, moving, expense and hassle of it all totally worth it, as I now get to share my home once again with my partner in crime and other half. 

On top of that, the season is most definitely changing, and I can feel that autumnal crispness in the air.  I am ready to embrace the seasons once again and enjoy all that life has to offer. I am ready for pumpkin and squash, coats and rain, falling leaves and darkening evenings. 

My time in Ireland made me realise how much I love and my miss my home and the people in it. It makes me so sad that for now I can only make the most of it through visits home, emails, phone calls and post. I can't wait to put down roots there, permanently. 

You never know how much you need something until it's taken away from you. 

3/4 of the way

I'm 3/4 of the way through the first year of my PhD. I can't believe I'm writing that because it all feels like a total dream. It's been an incredibly busy year so far, it's hard to believe that a year ago I was working in a hotel in Copenhagen, and in 12 months I've packed so much in. It's been quite challenging year for me in many ways, but I've made the most of reinventing myself when needs be, and I can safely say that I've emerged this side a better human.

Today I had the Progression Review that marks the transition from MPhil to PhD officially, and I'm happy to say that it went really well. I was very nervous, and not sure I had as much confidence in myself as I would have liked, but I made it through and they very luckily said I don't need to do any corrections. 

That basically means that, when I come back from my summer holidays, I can launch myself head first into my fieldwork, and get this PhD done! I have a few weeks in Denmark/Norway ahead, and I have a long list of things I hope to get done, but I'll be sure to enjoy myself too :) With the gorgeous cafes and delicious Black Diamond library, (yes, I do get excited by libraries) that won't be hard. 

All is good.

I am leaving home

I'm in the airport terminal on my way back to Durham. The last pages of the Easter book have been read, the last stitched completed on the scarf, the goodbye coffee has been drunk, and I am going back, once again, away from one 'home' to another 'home', of sorts, although I'm unsure how much any of these supposed homes mean anymore. Every time I go home and leave again there is a perpetual process of confusion, readjustment, shifted vowel emphasis, shifted expectations. 

I am eternally grateful for the opportunity I have now to work and study and stay in one place and be paid for it. But I won't pretend it's not getting harder to maintain contact with friends and family, to find relevance in a homeland that feels so strangely foreign, to trade one set of vowels and familiar sounds for another, to set aside what you really want in order to help your future-self get a break. England is so close, but so alien.

There's something about leaving for the millionth time; you pack up your things, close the bedroom window, say goodbye to the dog and presume you'll never see the cat again (but she keeps on keeping on), tell your parents you love them and will see them soon, and on you go. Boarding passes, 100ml liquids, currencies and bank cards, hand luggage and sim cards. The signs and symbols of a fragmented existence. I'm hoping to grind the gears slowly to a halt, move somewhere of my own, gain a sense of permanence, have a life that is wholly my own. That's what I hope, anyway.

My brother and I (taken by Leo) at the Hill of Tara on Easter Sunday

An update

It's been a very long time since I've blogged. In fact, I never even put the rest of those pictures from Iceland up. I swear, I'll get around to that. I have been keeping very very busy, flitting back and forth to Denmark for a few days when I can, getting started on preparation for my fieldwork, enjoying the beginnings of Spring after all the snow, rain and cold (although you wouldn't think it was Spring judging by today's weather, it was threatening to snow earlier and the rain has been lashing down all day).

Some snow from about a month ago

Life is a lot of things these days. I'm still coming to terms with my new Durham world, missing my old life a lot, getting to grips with my PhD. Being back in the UK is pretty strange, I honestly thought I had finished with all that, but this is life. I've been trying to get into a steady rhythm, getting up early (ish!), jogging and stretching, playing a lot of music (getting back into trad is hard, I've forgotten all my tunes, but rewarding), learning new things and being in a positive frame of mind.

I play in the ceili band at the college now, and we are pretty busy. It's a great way to meet people, learn new music (English folk music, who would have thought it?!), and go to events where, sometimes, you get treats (see below).

Nothing says 'It's Spring' like tulips, even if they only last two days before wiltage.

When Spring first came it was incredible. That Saturday afternoon, everyone was out and about, there was a noticeable shift in energy levels in the town. 

Yogi tea is incredible, not least of all because you get posi messages like this. 

Life is good. 

the beginning of the beginning

This week, my PhD 'began' so to speak. More meetings, discussion groups, a whole day of intense classes about health and populations, and my very first supervisory meeting. Suffice to say it was overwhelming, completely and utterly, and I came away from it feeling like I had such a huge mountain to climb. 

Luckily I then went straight to the library, made a Word document of everything we discussed, printed a lot of papers, loaned a lot of books, and Leo made me the most incredible 'goals' Excel sheet because he is eternally my saviour. So I left the library feeling a lot more together.

It's good to have goals to work towards.

I've been pretty busy, with meetings, workshops, training, and copious amounts of time spent trying to locate journal articles, printing, and the ubiquitous signs of beginning life someplace new. I'm so glad that I have my bank, social security number and phone number taken care of from when I lived in the UK before, because those are things I don't greatly enjoy taking care of.

On Thursday night we had a 'formal' dinner for all the postgraduates of my college. It was a very nice occasion, the guys mostly wore black tie which was quite hilarious. It's such a change, everything is so effortless, casual, laidback and so so understated in CPH, whereas here dressing for dinner, for example, is a must. Here, it's the exact opposite, but at least my college is the most laid back in that sense, they're quite accepting and easy-going in relative terms.

Today I'm off to buy a USB stick with 64GB memory (backups are a must), and go see a movie called Still the Enemy Within about the miners' strike up north where I am now. I'm pretty excited.

Oh oh oh, and I am now a member of the Ceili Band here at the University! I have a million tunes to learn but I'm pretty chuffed! Coming soon to a ceili dance near you, a flute no one can really hear!

1st week in Durham

Today is the 8th day I've been in Durham. It feels really strange to be writing that. It's been a very busy week; a lot of training sessions, inductions, coffee at the department (more on that later), and generally finding my feet, both in terms of who exactly I'm supposed to hang out with in my free time and, say, how the library works.

On Wednesday last we had our Matriculation ceremony. Basically, we went to the cathedral, speeches were given, and later we had to sign a book promising to be good students and not to plagiarise. Forever the cynic, I could probably have done without the procession and tradition of the matriculation ceremony, but it was nice to hear nice and encouraging things from those in charge. Usually you don't get the well wishes until graduation and they're kicking you out the door.

Everything here is done very officially, we all have a college, and do everything through the college. The fairly upper class formality of it all is a little awkward, but hey, it's their show, so they can do what they like. Since I'm being accommodated in my college for the time being (and it's pretty cosy, actually), I get all my meals provided, have access to a kitchen to make tea, and even have a library in my building. It's all very straightforward, and only a 10 minute walk from the university.

I'm feeling very lost without my bicycle, I haven't managed to find one here yet, and although it's just a short walk to everything, including the town, I'd much prefer to be cycling there than walking. Hopefully this week will bring good things. A meeting with my supervisors, a walking trip or some dance classes (depending on the weather), and basically all the time in the world to study, write, and eat. It's surreal.

I woke up on Monday morning and it was Autumn. Umbrellas and boots for everyone. Today it didn't rain, at least, but I could definitely start wearing my gloves, it's that nippy. It feels very strange being here, but judging by all the lost, lonely faces you see on a daily basis, in the cafeteria, on the paths to and from college, the only thing worse than being in a new place alone is being 18, living away from home for the first time, and being in a new place alone. So, there's that.

Here are a couple of snaps, I need to make it a habit:

From the Matriculation ceremony, with a ghost walking by. That poster on the wall was terrific.

The cosiest apartment I've ever seen on one of the oldest streets.

Copenhagen. Never forget.

6 days

6 days into PhD life, it's Friday night, sitting on my bed with crackers, tea (Yorkshire), and a tv show. Some things never change. It's been the longest, weirdest, most tiring, confusing yet familiar, and most emotional week I've had in a very long time. Everything seems so attainable yet so very far away.

I feel very lucky.

4 planes, 3 currencies & 3 sim cards

Last week was pretty hectic, as hectic weeks go. I had 4 days on the go at my housekeeping job, which is fairly tiring by anyone's standards. I'd finish each day absolutely covered in sweat from head to toe (it is very humid in Copenhagen these days, time pressures of the job and the non-breathable uniform aside), cycle the 8km home and basically sit in a vegetative state until I recovered the use of my limbs. The week stretched out in front of me with promise, and would include 4 flights, a trip to Durham to meet those working on my study and my future colleagues, and a trip home to Ireland to see the family, all my friends, and enjoy being back in Meath and Dublin again.

On Tuesday, I hurried to get finished with my work, raced home to get my stuff ready, then headed on over to the lovely CPH Lufthavn for my first of two BA flights of the evening. I was fairly excited to fly with British Airways because they still give out free snacks, and there ain't no snack like a free snack. I had a pretty miserable ham and cheese sandwich on stodgy flatbread and coffee, along with a cookie I brought myself in case BA did not bring their snack A-game.

This shocking sight greeted me, but luckily the weather in Durham was more to my liking. Sunshine, a cool breeze, all the things you don't expect when visiting the north of England. 

The 2 days in Durham were absolutely fantastic. My future colleagues are all incredibly focused, kind, and regard work-life balance as of the utmost importance, which is a huge deal for me (living in Denmark, you come to expect it, and having lived in London, know how sacred it really is). 

There was much coffee drinking, meeting and greeting, and fascinating discussions about the work to come and work those in the department have been involved in. I'm really excited to sink my teeth into PhD life in a couple of months! In case you needed photographic proof that Durham is beautiful, I have included some snippets as evidence.

I stayed at the Premier Inn in town, they were so full of northern charm, caring and friendly, such a shock to the system. Danes are incredibly polite, but this is a whole other ballgame. After a few hours of walking around the town, and a surprisingly emotional visit to the Cathedral (along with a scone and a lot of whipped cream and jam), I headed to Newcastle airport to get on the world's tiniest plane home to my family. I had the good fortune to sit next to an academic from Cork who gave me so much good advice on my PhD. It pays to chat to those sitting next to you!

 

And then before I knew it I was home to this little fellah, buckets of tea and as many free range eggs as I could muster (and I mustered a great deal). I'll make another post about my trip to Ireland, because I think this is quite long enough! Suffice to say: British Airways food-pretty bad. Durham-beautiful. Shifting from Kroner to Pounds to Euro and back to Kroner- mildly confusing. Life-very excited.